So I did hours of troubleshooting and finally stumbled on the 'loudness equalization' setting on realtek Gigabyte Realtek HD Audio Manager... unchecking this forces me to up the sound by alot to get the same desktop volume in my recordings, but it stops lowering the desktop volume when I speak. I also recorded a few videos with loudness equalization on and listened to them exhibiting the aforementioned ducking effect. Then I replayed the same videos with loudness equalization off and it stops happening... it's weird though, because this loudness eq thing was always present in every realtek driver right and seems to always be checked by default in playback->speakers->enhancements? Never had this do the ducking thing on my other system
Also explains why it wouldn't happen in streams, I was checking it out on my phone with my headphones on. No crappy driver settings to mess with the sound.